TITLE: Can't See the Forest for the Trees
AUTHOR: Ellen Hursh
RATING: R
KEYWORDS: KW/LKo romance; some sex; some philosophy (of a sort). Oh
yeah... and there's some medical crap.
LAST EPISODE SEEN: "One Can Only Hope"
TIMELINE: "A Walk in the Woods"
ARCHIVE: If you must.
DISCLAIMER: "ER" and all its characters belong to Warner Bros. No
infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for
the enjoyment of "ER" fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your
own pleasure.
SUMMARY: Stuff happens. :-)
SPOILERS: For "A Walk in the Woods" (by now, do I *really* have to
specify "sort of"?).
PREVIOUS INSTALLMENTS: Home and Dry; And Miles To Go Before I Sleep;
Through the Hourglass; Jupiter Aligns with Mars; Shopworn; Come As You
Aren't; Out and About; Up in the Air; Serpent's Tooth; Thanks a Lot!;
Shall We Dance?; Yes, Sir, That's My Baby!; Yule-Tied; Should Auld
Acquaintance; Running With Scissors; Six White Flags Over Chicago; Sea
Change; My Time Coming
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thanks to Laura Semmens for her summary of "A Walk in
the Woods" - specifically, the Bishop/Luka scene(s) - it was a good
memory refresher. Also, thanks to Dave Ragsdale for the med school
interview answer (from his review of the same episode).
PREVIOUSLY, ON MY ER: Elizabeth's pregnant-- whoops, so's Kerry;
Chen's been out on maternity leave; Abby's got a love-thang going; a
bishop in search of meds to help him keep functioning has been coming
around the County ER... to Randi's delight and Luka's irritation; Mark
had a big-ass tumor taken out of his brain, and is on sick leave
awaiting competency testing to return; wedding bells are in store for
Mark & Elizabeth, and Luka & Kerry.
You cry and moan and say it will work out
But honey child I've got my doubts
You can't see the forest for the trees
--Stone Poneys, "Different Drum"
Benton woke up after a *very* interesting dream, and nudged Cleo gently.
"Hey. Cleo. Ya awake? It's *snowing*. You gotta have a look." There was
a sleepy little purr as she rolled slightly and opened one eyelid about
halfway. He caressed her breast casually - she wasn't *huge*, like Carla
was, but she had a little more up front than she seemed to have, at
first glance.
"Mm... I've *seen* snow. What time is it?" She tried not to smile as his
hand stole under her nightshirt. So... he was gonna play it *this* way
this morning!
"Nearly six, I guess."
"The alarm's gonna go off in fifteen minutes," she reminded him, then
waited for his next move.
"Oh. Well, then, I'll hurry," he tried to bargain.
"Like *hell* you will," she informed him almost primly, and pulled him
close for a full-blown kiss. He gave a little *gluhmph* of surprise,
then nestled happily into her arms.
* * *
Mark pressed his ear against Elizabeth's bulging belly. "She's so active
this morning. Our own little kick-boxer." Elizabeth chuckled softly, and
caressed his head. The hair was gradually growing back... that is, what
hair had been there in the first place. David had once shown her an old
picture of Mark, and marvelled - with the same wonderfully black sense
of humor that his son had inherited - that he had *ever* had to tell
Mark to get a haircut.
"So it's a girl this week?" He nodded slowly, grinning in delight; he
hadn't had - or at least, he hadn't *made* - the time to do this with
Jenn, when she was pregnant with Rachel. Then he'd been afraid that he
wouldn't live long enough to be able to savor this with Elizabeth...
and Dr Burke had handed him his life back. It was a damned fine late
Christmas present, as far as Mark was concerned. Elizabeth grunted, as
the baby became especially active for a moment, and shook her head. "I
keep thinking about the scene in that movie, Alien, with the monster
bursting out of the man's stomach."
"That's what you get for eating all those peanut butter and bacon
sandwiches at bedtime," he teased her, but made little shushing noises
to the acrobatic fetus. "Settle down, Amanda. You're scaring your
mommy." Elizabeth burst out laughing at that - it was a joke with them,
to pick those sorts of names: *she* occasionally threatened to name the
baby Dale - and squeezed his hand. It was going to be okay... wasn't it?
* * *
Kerry gasped again, then threw back her head and let out a tiny, high-
pitched wail that was echoed by a guttural cry from Luka just before she
slumped across him. They both lay still for a moment, both breathing
heavily. "Wow," she said after a while, and let him shift her slightly
so that they were side by side, but their legs were still intertwined.
After a while, his fingers crept along her thigh, up her side, and
settled on her lower abdomen. "Do you think he's big enough yet, for us
to feel him move?" The feeling of his big hand on her belly was
comforting, and she scooched a little closer to him.
"I think *she* has at least another month to go." His only answer to
that was to laugh softly, and pull her the rest of the way back to him,
for a kiss that made her head spin.
* * *
Abby climbed out of the shower and towelled herself off vigorously, then
reached for the shirt draped over the knob of the bathroom door and put
it on. Ah... it smelled like him, that warm, spicy, musky scent, and
hung halfway to her knees. She looked up, and saw that he'd awakened and
was watching her with a serene little smile playing on his lips; he'd
pushed the covers down around his waist during the night, exposing his
surprisingly well-muscled chest... and a little bit of a tummy. She
climbed onto the bed, without bothering to button the shirt, and took
hold of his hand before he could trail his fingers up the expanse of
smooth flesh framed by the material. "Did I wake you?"
"Uh-uh." He drew her hand up to his face and kissed it, then smiled at
the way her cheeks turned red; he was enjoying doing all these little
things that surprised her so much... and yet were merely basic good
manners for him. The only reason he even gave it any thought was that it
meant so much to her - he wanted to make Abby accustomed to being
treated like a lady, make her expect... no, *demand* to be treated like
a lady.
"Are you going to watch me dry my hair again?" He turned to follow her
movement as she headed back into the bathroom to get out her hairdryer.
"Mmm-hmmm." He smiled lazily at her peals of laughter, and watched in
fascination as she shook out and tousled her hair in front of the stream
of hot air jetting out of the dryer's nozzle.
* * *
Carter had just signed in a few minutes ago when the report came in over
the radio that unit 47 were bringing in a sick preschooler. Greeeeaaaat.
He wondered who he could find to pawn it off onto - he didn't want to
turn the interns loose on a patient without supervision, but Kerry was
in a meeting, Luka was already dealing with a dead shovel, Cleo wasn't
due for another ten minutes, and Dave had been behaving strangely
lately, ever since the evening that Carter and Abby had gone to that
benefit. "Hey, John!" a familiar voice called out to him, and he looked
up.
"Oh. Hi, Deb. You're back from, uh..." She made a face as he used That
Name, but it felt too good to be back - she just couldn't work up the
energy to get mad at him right off the bat.
"Yeah. I'm rested and ready for a case. I heard the paramedics say they
were bringing in a sick kid - how about it?"
"I don't know... maybe it's a little soon for that, Deb." She made a
disgusted little *puh!* sound.
"C'mon... I can't avoid kids forever, you know. Is it that you think I'm
not capable?"
"No, no, it's not that," he protested.
"Then what's the problem? Hmm?"
"All right, all right. Take him. Seriously, it's good to see you back...
Deb." She stuck out her tongue at him.
"Thanks, John," she said sarcastically. "It'd be even better if you
could get my *name* right, but I guess I'll take what I can get."
* * *
Chuny and Chen went out to meet the ambulance, and Chen shivered as a
stiff breeze plastered her labcoat to her body. "I picked the wrong damn
time to come back," she complained to nobody in particular. Better yet,
she thought, maybe she should have aimed for getting a new residency in
a place that was a little more temperate than the "Windy City". But it
had seemed like the right place at the time, since she already knew some
of the people at County, and was familiar with Chicago.
Then Pickman was unloading the child - Zach Woodman - and his preschool
teacher, and Chen wrenched her mind back to the matter at hand. Zach had
had seizures and had a fever of 105, and he was unconscious. She wheeled
him inside - Chuny had been called away by somebody else - and got him
into the pedes exam room to begin examining him.
* * *
Chuny was hailed by a man who'd pulled his car up to the curb, and she
went over to investigate. The man turned out to be the priest who'd
accompanied the bishop to the hospital several weeks ago... and the
bishop was in the back seat of the car. "Hi. Can you help us, please?
The bishop's having a little trouble." She peered in the window at him.
"What's wrong, your Excellency?" He turned his head slowly to look at
her, and she could tell right away that there was something *seriously*
wrong with him - he looked pretty out of it, for one thing, and he
seemed to be breathing with some effort.
"Well, miss... it's funny. I can't seem to walk."
* * *
Debbie had taken over for Chuny as the nurse helping Chen, for which
Chen was a little relieved - the Latina nurse had never actually *said*
anything to Chen, but sometimes she felt like Chuny disapproved of her.
It was an absurd thought, she knew, since - if the woman's talk was to
be believed - Chuny was every bit as interested in sex as Chen was, but
that was just how it seemed to her.
"He's not waking up. I'll get a spinal tap first, to rule out
meningitis. Carter, would you take care of dealing with the teacher, to
get contact information from her?" He turned to look out the window of
the room, where the boy's teacher was watching anxiously, and nodded.
"No problem, Deb. I'll talk to her, have Frank get in touch with the
parents, and..." But she'd stopped listening to him - her only reply was
a distant "uh-huh." - and he sighed as he left the room.
* * *
The bishop was back. Wasn't that an Elton John song? Luka wondered, then
shook his head - *that'd* teach him to lose sleep in the morning. On the
other hand, he'd thoroughly enjoyed making love with Kerry at such an
early hour... it seemed almost naughty, to be doing that when he should
have been sleeping. Without thinking, he massaged the spot on his chest
where she'd nipped him to wake him up, but stopped when he noticed Chuny
eyeing him curiously.
Chuny had already got the bishop into a gown and hooked up to a cardiac
monitor and pulse-ox in curtain area 2, and the priest had been exiled
to the waiting area for now. There'd been talk of bringing the students
and otherwise-unoccupied residents in to observe a advanced case of
lupus in a male patient, with complications of diabetes and respiratory
involvement, but Luka didn't like an audience... especially to a case
that he might have made worse in his arrogance. He'd nixed the idea,
though, by invoking the bishop's right to privacy.
"He's got low blood oxygen, possibly from pneumonia and almost certainly
as a result of the lupus. I want an ABG, CBC, 'lytes, BUN, creatinine
and cultures. Also a chest x-ray," he told Chuny. The oxygen from the
nasal cannula had Stewart looking slightly perkier - he hardly appeared
to be in any condition to run a marathon, but he at least looked aware
of his surroundings. "Why didn't you go to your own doctor? It's early
enough that he'd be in his office." He tried not to sound too harsh, but
it was frustrating, to be seeing this guy for the third time in one
month - it was one thing, to be getting the frequent fliers who were
ordinary people, but for a *bishop*, of all people, to be stupid enough
to have neglected his health like this?
"I prefer *your* care," the bishop told him hoarsely.
"Why? Because I gave you steroids and Dr Weaver wouldn't?" Stewart
started at Luka's blunt words, but didn't answer. "Turn up the oxygen,
Chuny. That should help him."
* * *
"Spinal tap's clear," Chen noted bemusedly.
"Huh. Check this out, Deb," Carter said, as he played with Zach's
sneakers - they were the really cool kind that lit up - and idly
wondered if they came in *his* size. He knew he really shouldn't have
come back after getting the contact information from Ms Reynolds, since
there wasn't really anything he could do, but he still felt better being
able to supervise Deb on her first case of her first day back from
maternity leave.
"Neat, John," she said distractedly as she continued to examine the
child. "Hey, did you see this rash before?" He put the shoe down, and
joined Chen, who was pointing at Zach's forehead.
"What? No, I didn't."
"In his hairline. You don't think he could have measles, do you? The
rash *looks* right, but I've only seen pictures." Carter shrugged - it
didn't seem *logical*, for a child to have a disease that *everybody*
was vaccinated against, these days.
"Well, *you're* the one with the photographic memory, Deb."
"Let me have a look in-- yeah. There are a bunch of white spots in his
mouth. Carter, go get me a Harrison's - I wanna be sure about this
diagnosis. *Now*," she half-snapped when he seemed reluctant to leave
her, and he hurried away.
* * *
Nicole Woodman arrived, slightly out of breath, and Chen eyed her with
some disdain - the woman was dressed like some mannequin that had
escaped from Nordie's, down to the expensively tasteful briefcase. The
first words out of her mouth didn't endear her to Chen, either. "Sorry
it took me so long to get here. I had my cell phone turned off, because
I was in court."
"Are Zach's immunizations up to date?" The woman shook her head, as
though Chen was bothering her with trivia.
"No, they're not. Is his condition serious?"
"He's got measles - one in 500 kids with it *dies*. He's got pneumonia,
possibly encephalitis--"
"Oh. Have you managed to get in touch with my husband, Jeff? He really
should be here."
"I don't know. Dr Carter was the one who spoke to Zach's teacher, not
me. Are there any other children in your household?"
"Just one. Zach's sister Liz."
"Uh-huh. And are *her* vaccinations up to date?" Mrs Woodman looked as
appalled as if Chen had asked if she were a practicing necrophile.
"Of *course* not! Do I look like I want my children to get autism from
that stuff?"
"Excuse me?"
"*Autism*," Mrs Woodman emphasized slowly, as though Chen were
particularly slow. "It's been linked to certain childhood vaccinations.
I've researched the matter and discussed all of this with Zach and Liz's
pediatrician, and he supports me in my decision."
"Well, not being autistic isn't gonna help him, if he winds up dying
from a case of measles." Mrs Woodman bristled at Chen's sharp tone.
"How *dare* you tell me how to raise my children!"
"How you raise *this* one will be a moot point, if his blood sats - the
amount of oxygen that's getting into his blood - doesn't improve soon.
You need to get Zach's sister in here too, for treatment, as soon as
possible: she'll have been exposed to the virus. She may even be
developing symptoms as we speak." When Mrs Woodman hesitated, Chen
pressed on. "Do you want to see your daughter going through the same
thing her brother is, right now?" The woman fled, and Chen went back to
the boy.
* * *
Cleo shook out her hair as she finished up her run to work with a quick
cool-down just outside the door, then trotted inside and into the lounge
to swap her light sweatshirt for a scrubtop and her labcoat. She looped
her stethoscope neatly around her neck, and strolled out to sign in and
see if there were any pedes cases. The only one on the board, though,
had-- oh, Dr Chen was back. Just then, the door to the pedes room
opened, and Chen stormed out, quickly discarding her gear.
"My *god*, they'll let *anybody* breed!"
"What is it?"
"The mother of that four-year-old in there." She pointed at the room
where Debbie was keeping an eye on Zach Woodman. "She deliberately
didn't have her kids vaccinated, and now he has measles. She didn't even
bring him in - his preschool teacher rode with him in the ambulance."
Cleo shook her head.
"People like that, depending on other people to immunize their own kids
instead of being responsible enough to--"
"She thinks she's protecting him from autism," Chen said disgustedly.
"So she'd rather risk her kids dying or going deaf than being autistic,
when there isn't even--" She broke off in irritation. "Is that teacher
still here? The other kids and their families should be checked, to see
if their immunizations are up to date, along with everybody else who's
had contact with him."
"I don't know. Carter was the one talking to the teacher earlier - I
think they might've gone down to the cafeteria."
"Would you like me to take over this case?" Cleo asked gently, noting
her colleague's unhappy demeanor, but Chen shook her head.
"No! I have everything under control here."
"I realize that. I'm just concerned that you might be, uh, over-involved
in this case."
"And that would *never* happen to *you*, right?" Chen asked scornfully.
"No, I *don't* need any help with this, if that's all right with you."
Cleo rolled her eyes.
"Fine, fine. I have other things that need doing, Dr Chen. Call me if
you need any help." She turned and walked away, and Chen sighed. She
hadn't *meant* to snap like that, but she'd instantly become defensive
at what she'd taken as criticism of her ability to handle a pedes case
her first day back. She sighed again and went back into the room,
donning fresh protective gear.
* * *
Elizabeth broke off in the middle of shouting at Frank over some faxed
records he'd misplaced when she spotted Mark coming in the door. "Mark?
Is everything all right?" She ran to his side, pushing Dave out of the
way in her haste, and grabbed him for a big kiss.
"Everything's fine. Really. You have time to go get some lunch?"
"Now? Yes! Absolutely. Just let me call upstairs and let them know I'll
be leaving for a bit."
"Okay." He watched Elizabeth hurry to the phone at the desk, then
realized that Dave was still standing there despite having been shoved
out of Elizabeth's path a moment ago.
"So... you're all done with your chemo and radiation?"
"Yeah, I am."
"Congratulations, boss. Did you get to keep the tumor? My uncle Al kept
his - he put it in a jar and it's still there on his mantelpiece." Mark
uneasily decided to end the conversation before the resident could be
any *more* enthusiastically over-informative. Fortunately, Elizabeth had
just finished her call.
"Shall we, Elizabeth?" Dave chuckled softly as they walked out the door.
"They're a nice couple, don't you think?" Frank simply harrumphed at
him, and he reached for a chart before walking away, grinning.
* * *
Chen looked up as Carter poked his head into the room. "Hi, Deb. Zach's
mom wanted to come back and see how he's doing." She growled
noncommittally, and he chose to interpret that as approval. Mrs Woodman
edged into the room, watching her son worriedly. The monitors began
making insistent bleeping noises as Zach's sats continued to drop, and
Chen picked up the laryngoscope and selected a 5.0 tube; she intubated
the child easily as Carter and Mrs Woodman looked on.
"Is he going to be okay?" She couldn't help snapping at the woman too,
although she knew she would, as with Dr Finch, regret it later.
"Mrs Woodman, for a kid who has a tube down his throat to help him
breathe, and a life-threatening illness that could've been prevented
with a simple vaccination, he is in terrific shape!" Carter stepped in
at that point, and guided the woman back in the direction of the door.
"Mrs Woodman, it might be best if you waited outside after all, and let
Dr Chen work without distractions. We're working on getting a bed in the
pediatric ICU for him right now." He glanced over his shoulder, and
nodded at the grateful smile Chen threw him.
* * *
"Why do you want to marry me?" Luka had just finished with the patient's
sutures and was just about to apply the dressing, and started a little at
Kerry's soft question in his ear - he hadn't even heard her enter the room.
"Pardon?"
"You heard me. Why do you want to marry me?"
"Would you excuse us, Mr Gallagher?" He led her out of the room, and out of
the way of general traffic in the hallway.
"If it's because I'm pregnant--" He shook his head, more in bewilderment
than denial.
"What? Where is this coming from? Come on. When did you find out you're
pregnant, huh?"
"The day of the Christmas party." He nodded firmly.
"And when did I ask you to marry me? For that matter, didn't I originally
ask you long before that?"
"Valentine's Day? You didn't mean that one." He grunted softly in frustration.
"Don't tell me what I did and didn't mean! My point is, I asked you well
before I knew that you're expe-- pregnant. Are you getting cold hands *now*?"
"It's 'cold feet'," she corrected absently.
"Whatever," he snapped. "My point is, *you* are who I want to marry. I want
*you*, not the mother of my child!"
"All right." He was startled - and a little annoyed - by her sudden volte-
face in attitude: he'd thought that he was getting somewhere with his
attempts to get her to realize just how beautiful and special she was, but
maybe not.
"I, uh, have to go back in and finish with Mr Gallagher. We'll talk later."
He squeezed her hand quickly, and went back in.
* * *
Randi slid neatly into her seat at the front desk and picked up the phone
on the third ring. "ER," she said crisply.
"Oh, miss, you've *got* to help me. I caught my daughter eating *ants*."
"Ants? They're not harmful, ma'am." Randi looked around surreptitiously,
trying to see if she could see anybody who looked like they might have a
hidden camera.
"They're not?"
"No, ma'am. There are people who eat ants. In fact, I've heard that ants
taste kind of lemony." There was a long pause on the other end of the line.
"Oh. So I *didn't* need to give Shawnie that ant poison to kill the ants?"
"No-- what?!? You fed your daughter ant poison?!?"
"I shouldn't have done that?"
"Ma'am, you need to bring your daughter - Shawnie - to the ER *immediately*.
The ants aren't gonna hurt her, but the ant poison *will*."
"Oh. I, uh, yes, I'll do it now." Randi heard the woman yell to someone in
the background, possibly Shawnie, then the connection was abruptly severed.
Randi stared at the phone for a few seconds, bemused, then hung up. Well,
that was certainly an interesting way to start a shift - much more interesting
that the callers who asked about things like making an appointment!
* * *
Joe glanced over Luka's shoulder as he checked an x-ray on the light box in
the hallway. "Is that for the bishop?"
"What? No, no... it's for someone else."
"He's feeling much better, you know."
"He should. But it's the medicine and the oxygen that have done that - he
needs further care." He squelched the urge to swat the man - the hovering
was getting on his nerves - and glared at him instead, silently daring him
to get to the point.
"It's just that... we were on our way to an ordination when we stopped here,
and I was wondering if we can leave soon." He glared at the priest, who was
wringing his hands anxiously, then roughly pulled the x-ray off the box and
headed in the direction of curtain area 2.
The bishop was buttoning his shirt when Luka stalked back into the room.
"Ah, Dr Kovac. I'm feeling much bett--"
"Your test results are very serious. Your lupus is flaring up again, and
you need to be admitted to the ICU for treatment with IV Cytoxan, not go
off and exert yourself more," Luka insisted, but the bishop shook his head.
"I'll be back by six if I skip the reception. "
"At this rate, you'll be dead by six," Luka said wearily. Did the man think
they were negotiating again?
"It's in God's hands," Stewart replied easily, which was the last straw for
Luka.
"God could give a damn!" The angry words were out of his mouth before his
brain could censor them, and he winced. The worst part was that the bishop
merely looked amused by his outburst. We're each other's projects, he
realized wearily. I'm trying to save his life, despite his best efforts, and
he's trying to save my soul... probably despite *my* best efforts.
"Then give me something to sign so I can leave, and I'll sign it," Stewart
finally said calmly.
* * *
Carter passed Cleo on his way to the door to the ambulance bay. "Cleo? I
don't suppose you could give me a hand with the patient coming in by
ambulance?" She set down the chart she'd been perusing.
"Hm? Sure, I don't have any patients yet. Do you know what's happening with
Zach - the kid with measles?"
"They got him up to PICU. He's not out of the woods yet, though."
"Damn irresponsible parents. It's a good argument for requiring a license to
breed." Carter chuckled.
"I wouldn't have expected a *pediatrician*, of all people, to advocate
something like that."
"Yeah, well, it gets damned depressing sometimes, looking after some of
the patients who come in - parents who had kids just because they thought
it would be like having a puppy to follow them around and love them." She
wondered briefly why Carter became contemplative when she said that, but
lost her train of thought when the ambulance pulled up. Pickman helped
unload the patient, with the patient's wife hovering nervously.
"50 year old man with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. He's had persistent nausea
and vomiting and is dehydrated."
"Franklin just finished his chemotherapy," the man's wife told Carter nervously.
"The nausea and vomiting is probably just from the chemo," he tried to
reassure her. Cleo let him go on ahead with Franklin's wife in tow, as
Pickman tapped her on the shoulder.
"Hey, how's that little kid doing? You know, the one I brought in earlier,
with the temperature?"
"Nobody contacted you?" Cleo was horrified to find that nobody had. "We
recently diagnosed him with measles!"
"And I just brought in a guy with practically no immune system in the same
rig. Dammit. Isn't there supposed to be someone who takes care of that stuff?"
"Breakdown in communications, apparently, which doesn't help *Franklin*.
I'll get him inside and let Carter know about this. You should--"
"Yeah, my partner and I will deal with the rig."
* * *
Joe led Bishop Stewart back out to the car, pausing briefly to glance back
over his shoulder at the tall dark doctor glowering at them both. He wasn't
sure why the bishop had taken such an interest in Dr Kovac - the man
unnerved him. He hadn't even *wanted* to take the bishop to County, but
Stewart had been so insistent about how he wanted to go to County General,
and be seen by Dr Kovac. And that doctor with the limp who'd waylaid him for
a moment had been a little terrifying, too.
* * *
Romano sighed. The med school interviews had been, for the most part, an
exercise in boredom and futility. Everybody, if those interviewees were to
be believed, wanted to be a doctor "to help people". Yech. The only answer
to the question "Why do you want to be a doctor?" that he'd even remotely
appreciated for its candor had been the kid who'd answered "Money. And
power. I've always had a God complex and medicine seems to be the place to
pursue that. I want to hold the fate of a human life literally in the palm
of my hand and revel in the knowledge that I could snuff out that life like
an angel of death. Plus, I want to help people."
* * *
Luka got in the elevator, but paused when he heard a screeched demand for
a hold. Abby was trotting in his direction, her arms loaded with assorted
manuals and charts and books, and he hastily pushed the Open Door button
for her. "Thanks, Luka. Was that the bishop I saw leaving?"
"Yeah. He'd rather go do an ordination than look after his own health," he
told her disgustedly. He hadn't noticed that his finger was still on the
Open Door button.
"Well... uh... you know... if it's something that gives his life purpose,
isn't it better for him to go out doing *that*, than to live longer, but
sit around *not* doing it?" He stared down at her for a moment, then
suddenly began to laugh. "What? What is it, what's so funny?"
"Ah, uh, you're not Catholic, are you?" He was actively fighting laughter
as he said that, and she shrugged.
"I went to a Catholic school - does that count?" Luka began laughing again,
and shaking his head. "It's not *that* funny," she protested.
"I- I know. I'm not really laughing at *you*."
"Who *are* you laughing at, then?" she asked cautiously, her brow furrowed
in confusion.
"Myself. Excuse me," he told her quickly, and ducked out of the elevator.
Abby shook her head, and carefully maneuvered herself so that she could
press the button for the fourth floor without dropping the mountain of
stuff she was holding.
* * *
He found Kerry outside with a paper cup of her now-everpresent herbal tea,
and joined her. "Aren't you cold?"
"Not really. Anyway, the cold's helping keep me alert, since I can't have
caffeine anymore." She rolled her eyes, and took another sip. She had more
energy, true, now that she was into her second trimester, but since there
was no way was she going to give Robert any reason to accuse her of
slacking off on her duties, she needed every bit of that extra energy
most days.
"What did I tell you about overdoing it?" She sighed softly as he moved
behind her and began massaging her neck and shoulders.
"Luka, I may be pregnant, but I'm still responsible for keeping this place
going... at least for the next few months."
"So... what, you're going to have the baby on your lunch break, and then
right back to it?" She stared up at him reproachfully, and he finally shook
his head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I guess I'm just on edge
lately."
"Why are you *really* so upset?" He didn't even pretend to misunderstand
what she meant.
"It's that old fool."
"Romano's not *that* old," she teased, but he frowned.
"He's also not a fool. An asshole, maybe...."
"Pfff..." She took another sip. "Go after him."
"But--" She abruptly turned to face him.
"I made that priest - Father Joe - tell me where the ordination was going
to be. Go, look after him, and bring him back after it's done. I know you:
it's the only way you're going to sleep tonight."
"I love you," he muttered, and bent down to kiss her.
"You too, you old goat." The gleam in his eye warned her what he was about
to say and do, and she protectively tightened her hold on her cup.
"Baa-aaa...." She wound up dropping the cup anyway when he bent down and
whispered in her ear some of the things he wanted to do once they got home.
He could have, she thought, made a very profitable sideline out of being a
phone-sex operator... that voice, that accent, that way with words that he
had: what he lacked in facility with filthy language, he made up for in
sheer creativity.
"I'll hold you to that."
"Mm. I hope so."
* * *
Carter got off the elevator and headed for the PICU room where Zach had
been sent; he'd found Zach's little sneakers in the trauma room, and
figured the kid should have them back. When he got there, though, he found
Zach was now well beyond problems like not having his sneakers - a heart
monitor was monotoning, Dr Schulman was pronouncing time of death, and
the Woodmans were holding each other as Mrs Woodman sobbed inconsolably.
* * *
Luka sighed as he pulled up in front of the church and reached for the
equipment he'd brought along - there was his usual bag, plus a tank of
oxygen he'd snagged from County on his way out the door and a few more
odds and ends.
The bishop was easy enough to find in the sacristy, and he was looking
a lot less perky than when he'd left the hospital not too long ago. He
allowed Luka to hook up a line and mask to the oxygen tank, to help him
breathe, but balked at further attempts to help.
"Please, let me call an ambulance, to get you back to the hospital. Or I
can drive us back there if you prefer - my car's right out front."
"There's no need, Dr Kovac. I just need to rest a little bit and catch my
breath, and then I can participate in the ordination."
"You're being very calm for someone who's risking his life to do this.
Doesn't it bother you?"
Before the bishop could answer, Father Joe burst in. "Is he all right?"
"No," Luka told him, just as the bishop answered "Yes." Stewart looked
at Luka's fierce expression, and sighed.
"I suppose I could skip the procession, if it'll make you happy, Dr Kovac.
But I'm *not* going to skip the ordination."
"What would make me 'happy' would be for you to come back with me right
now, and admit yourself to the ICU. But you're determined to do this,
so..." he shrugged.
"When did you lose your faith, Dr Kovac?"
"Excuse me?"
"I remember the day I was ordained. The night before, it was snowing, and
I went for a walk in the forest behind my father's house. At some point,
I got lost... and frightened... but I looked up at the snow, and I was
suddenly filled with peace and God's love. I don't know. Maybe I *did*
waste my life. God knows, I haven't accomplished nearly everything I
wanted to do. The thought of dying frightens me, to be perfectly honest."
"But you don't *have* to die, if you go back to the hospital now," Luka
reminded him quietly.
"The Lord is my shepherd. Dr Kovac; I shall not want."
"Green pastures and still waters... yes, yes, I know."
"You're familiar with it - the Bible - then?"
"You might say that," he replied non-committally. Damn... he'd almost
managed to forget how inquisitive the man was.
"Mm-hm. Faith is a funny thing... sometimes it's right there, but then
other times you can run and run after it, until you think you've lost it,
but it never really goes away. It just gets... hm... misplaced, is all."
He smiled faintly at the sound of the church organ - it was playing "Jesu,
Joy of Man's Desiring" - and removed the mask before standing up to head
for the door. "Bach is so beautiful, don't you think, Dr Kovac?"
"Uh, it's fine. Good," he said distractedly as he put a hand under the man's
elbow to help stabilize and support him.
* * *
Luka hung back in the shadows, and watched the ceremony. If his mother had
had her way, he could have been the one up on that platform. And... maybe
it would have been better for everyone if he *had* become a priest, rather
than a doctor: after all, Danijela had only been in Vukovar because of him.
True, Jasna and Marko - and the baby he and Kerry were expecting - would
never have existed, but... he sighed. He could work the matter over in his
mind until he was seeing double, and rue the way things had turned out
*forever*, but they were as they were, and nothing on earth or in heaven
could change them.
Joe tugged at his arm to get his attention, and he snapped out of his
reverie. "Dr Kovac! It's the bishop, he's collapsed! C'mon, back here." He
led Luka back to the sacristy where, sure enough, Bishop Stewart lay in a
heap on the floor. The man's skin was ashen and his eyes were closed, and
for a moment Luka couldn't hear a heartbeat.
He put the oxygen mask back over the man's face, and rubbed Stewart's
sternum briskly, trying to get a response of any kind. "Bishop! Bishop
Stewart" He turned to the Joe. "Call 911, and tell them to send an
ambulance. Tell them he's in respiratory distress and congestive heart
failure. Now!" he barked, when Joe failed to go immediately for the phone.
* * *
He followed the ambulance in his Volvo; once he'd parked the car, he hurried
inside. It took him a while to get the bishop squirrelled away in the ICU;
after that, he might have stayed a while, except that the man fell asleep
almost immediately. No wonder, Luka supposed... brushes with death were
frequently very tiring.
* * *
Elizabeth found Mark out on the deck, after searching the rest of the house -
she would never tell him, but sometimes she worried that she'd come home to
find that he'd collapsed from a seizure or a relapse. "I was wondering where
you were. Would you like a light on out here?"
"Nah. I was just sitting out here in the dark and thinking about stuff."
She put her arms around him from behind, and leaned against his chair as
she regarded the snowy back yard. She could see that there were still one
or two houses in the neighborhood that hadn't taken down their fairy lights
yet, and the colorful twinkling was rather pretty.
"So your competency testing begins tomorrow?"
"Yep. And then after I pass it with flying colors, I will be back to work."
"Mm. That's wonderful."
* * *
Kerry glanced out the door as she was buttoning her coat, and saw Luka
standing next to one of the scraggly, scrawny trees that were planted in
one of the planters in the sidewalk. He was looking up at the branches,
or the falling snow - she wasn't sure which - with snowflakes making tiny
white freckles on his shoulders and in his hair, and she was oddly reminded
of that night when he'd first shown up on her doorstep. "What's he doing?"
She hadn't intended to speak aloud, let alone get an answer, but Randi
looked up from her work and studied Luka's actions curiously for a moment
before shaking her head.
"I have no idea. Catching snowflakes on his tongue, or something, maybe?"
Kerry frowned, and headed for the door.
"Good night, Randi," she called over her shoulder as she went outside.
"Take it easy, Dr Weaver," Randi replied easily, and waved. She saw the
woman approach Dr Kovac, and smiled as she went back to her work.
"Luka? Are you all right?" She spoke softly, not wanting to startle him.
"I couldn't find a forest," he explained quietly. "This was the best I could
do."
"Oh." She had no idea what he meant, but moved in closer to him and slipped
her free arm around his waist, and looked up too. After a while, he looked
down at her - his arm had absently found its way across her shoulders - and
smiled.
"You're not trying to get the rest of them out here and staring at the sky,
too, are you?"
"It might be fun to *try* it."
"You're shivering. Let's go home, okay?" As they proceeded across the ice
and snow to his car, he leaned down just far enough to murmur more lewd
suggestions into her ear, as to exactly *what* they might do - especially
in the department of getting warmer - once they got home.
"Mm... I *do* like that idea. I'm not sure the couch is up to that much
activity, but I'm willing to take the risk."
POST-OP NOTES:
* "Fairy lights" = "Christmas lights". A very nice, poetic term for them,
I think.
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